Five Years
by ViciousPixie
Summary: Combination of the style of The Last Five Years, the musical, and a Zutara. Please RR!
1. Chapter 1

AN: It's been a long time since I've uploaded anything. I write constantly, I just hardly ever finish anything. Then Avatar came along, best animated series to come from America in years. I'm also a bit of a Theater freak, so, this story is a mash-up of sorts, slightly drabble-y. It's Avatar characters combined with The Last Five Years. LFY follows a couple's story, but it criss-crosses. The female, Kathy, starts from the end of their time together while Jamie starts from their beginning. Exchange the story and characters with a Zutara, and you've got the idea. Obligatory "I own nothing" inserted here.

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White, everything is so _white_, almost _too_ white, as though I had ever thought that would be the case when I was a child. Now, as I stand on a balcony of an upper tier of the palace, all I see is white, and my arms wrap around myself to ward off a chill I suddenly feel. Even the sky is white. It's as though I'm as alone in real life as I feel inside, left to die in the desolation of the Southern Water Tribe.

Never to dance in fields of bright red flame pansies.

Never to twirl in a red silk gown adorned with gold jewelry.

Never to see colorful explosions light the sky brilliantly.

Never to see golden eyes peering into my own.

It's been two months since he decided it was best I leave, _two months_, but it seems like years already as tears trail down my skin. I'm so tired of crying about it; this is what I wanted, too, right? I mean, if I wanted anything else, I would have fought for it, right?

As it invariably happens, I begin to think about him; does he feel the same pains in his heart?

Does he miss the color blue like I miss red?

Does he see the seal fur jacket I got him and all he can see is me?

Does he even care, or has he already moved on like he said?

I'm sure she'll make the people happier, I'm sure she'll be a better Fire Lady then I could have been. After all, he was right; "Be serious, Katara. How can a Waterbending peasant be a Fire Lady, anyway?" The words in my head singe me the same as the day he spat them. I'm _not_ a peasant, what does he know, anyway? I hate him for everything he cursed me with, and I hate him for all of the things he never did, or wouldn't do, but still, my chest is tight and the tears are falling. I miss him.

How could he have been so certain we would fail, or we would let the people down? They'd already gotten used to my presence, and his servants already referred to me as Lady Katara. How I had despised that title. Agni, even my own family had already resigned to the idea that we were in love.

Maybe we weren't. Maybe it was adolescence all along. Maybe it was hormones and the fact that we were forced into each other's arms, drawn to one another by lack of any other option. Maybe all of those years of secrecy only drove us mad and blind because it was thrilling and dangerous. Maybe there's still a chance we're better off without the other like he says.

But the tears still keep falling.


	2. Chapter 2

Through the flames in the camp's fire pit I watch her. My face contorted with shadows and flickering light, my eyes never leave her figure. Her hands in his, a smile on her face as she laughs happily, and I find my own mouth curving a corner upwards. This is one of the first of many times I'm realizing something is there; something to the way her laugh can elicit such small amounts of joy in me. Something to be said for that first time she reached her hands out for my own, our touching sending chills down my spine. Something about the way she looks back at me, a deep understanding I would never expect from a Waterbender; what would she know about Fire?

Suddenly, another pair of eyes flash through my thoughts, tinged in red and gold. What would my father think of such a union? Sure, I've agreed to help overthrow him just by being in this camp, but still, he's my father. My mother, would she have been happy to see me happy, or would her heart break at the very idea? I'm sure she'd be sad I wasn't with a Fire Nation Noble's daughter, as is the tradition, and I'm sure I'd get speeches about 'what would the ancestors think?'

If only you weren't Water Nation. You could have been a peasant from the Fire Nation, and my feelings would still be warranted, but this? I finally turn my gaze away and look at the flames dancing in front of me. This is just a crush, nothing more, something driven by hormones. I'm a stupid teenager, nothing more.

But then I wonder what she would look like in red silk.

Her hair pulled back with curling tendrils cascading to her bare shoulders.

A golden Fire Nation crown resting atop the shining brown locks.

I lick my lips as I glance back up to where she had been, but her blue clad figure had disappeared!

"Hey." I hear her soft voice coo from beside me as I look up to her towering figure. "Wanna dance?" She asks innocently, timidly turning her hand over to expose her palm to me, extending it. I freeze.

Should I take it?

Should I show her how a _real_ man dances?

What would Uncle think?

How would the others act?

I glance around to see everyone else paired up and dancing, Uncle playing his flute blissfully. Sokka and Suki sweeping around in circles, Aang and Toph acting like fools. No one's watching us, no one has even noticed her plight, or heard her innocent question, yet I feel the fear well up inside like crawling insects. I look back to her with a sneer on my face, one that takes over before I even know what's happening.

"Why would I dance with a peasant?" Her fingers close and her hand recoils as she places it near her heart. I realized what I said, but the sneer stays on as she straightens her back, her hand dropping to her side again.

"Yeah, of course." She says sadly, though with as much strength as a woman scorned can have, and turns away, my eyes closing, my heart clenching in my chest.

Now I know; I don't care if she's a peasant. I don't care if she's Water Nation. I care that I just hurt her feelings because of some false pride, pride for people who don't even care about me any longer. I hesitate for a moment, but stand, reaching out to grab her hand before she was out of reach, her expression of surprise making me smile gently. I pull her back towards me, keeping us separated from the others by the bonfire, and put my free hand around her waist, a smile playing on her lips as she looks into my eyes.

I want her to care about me.

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AN: If you're enjoying this at all, let me know!


	3. Chapter 3

My hands are _shaking_. I feel sweat beads forming. My stomach feels nauseas. What's happening? I haven't been this nervous around him in years, why now? I've been staring at my teacup since we sat down together. Finally, I look up at him to see his eyes locked on my own, but something in them makes me uneasy. This isn't the Zuko I've known for the last four years, this isn't the same boy that watched with yearning eyes. Something is different. Nervous, I look back at my teacup. The silence is killing me, but for a change, I am at a loss for words.

"You look…good." He finally said, perhaps feeling the same tension. I look back to him and smile softly, then raise the teacup to my lips to take a sip, trying not to shake.

"I'm glad you're here." I say, setting the cup back on the table as I rotate it around to watch the contents swirl.

"With a trade agreement as important as this one, I had to make sure it would go through." My stomach twists slightly as I look back at him, his eyes now on his own cup.

"Well, I meant, here, with me, right now." His golden orbs flicker to mine; in a warning or agreement, I can't tell. "Because, you know, having someone to talk to other then Aang is welcome." _Nice, Katara._ I couldn't help it, I'm nervous; I needed to cover up my confession. He nods and slightly smiles.

"Yeah, I figured he would have grown up by now." I laugh, probably more then what was warranted.

"He's still the same kid I found in the ice! Hardly anything is ever serious." I laugh again, lighter this time. "Just last week we went down the chutes here in the city." Zuko raises a brow at me, as though chastising my behavior. Perhaps I'm reading too far into it. "How are things in the Fire Nation?"

"Good." He simply states as he drinks from his cup.

"Good." I reply, looking back down at my own. I don't even know what flavor it is; if there is one, I can't taste it right now. The silence settles back in for a few minutes, each passing moment growing more agonizing then the last. Finally, when I can no longer stand to keep words to myself, I speak, placing my hands on the table firmly. "I miss you." I say, my mind sounding alarms to stop before I make a fool of myself. He looks up at me, surprised. "I do, I can't help it." He just stares at me. "What if…why can't we just start over again? We'll keep it a secret, you and I, and no one will have to know!" His eyes close tight, in pain or annoyance, I'm not sure, everything is so hard to read right now. "You can do what you need to for your people, marry someone else, fine, whatever, but that can just be a show!" He's staring at the teacup in front of me, not saying a word, not acknowledging me…damn the teacups! "Zuko, I _love_ you." I can feel the bitter sting of salt as tears begin to brim my eyes. "Don't you understand? I cannot just ignore that!" My nails are now digging into the wood as I bite my lip, trying to fight the tears. _Just say something!_

"Katara…" He finally says, his eyes still not meeting my own. "Katara, I'm engaged."

That's the exact moment it happened.

In my chest, my heart shattered into pieces and it hurt as if he'd taken a sledge hammer to it. His eyes finally meet my own, my blue orbs imploring him for more information, waiting for him to say this is some kind of cruel joke. He's not saying anything! He just stares at me, when he should be holding me, wiping the tears falling down my cheeks, kissing my pain away.

"Who is she?" I hear myself ask. "WHO?" He snarls at my scream, but I don't care. His eyes catch the liquid in our teacups as they tremor with my emotions.

"Katara, we both know it can't work. It never would. Maybe if I were anything but Fire Lord…"

"No, shut up Zuko. It _could_ work, you just never wanted to try hard enough!" My jaw begins to shake as I reach a hand up to swipe at the wetness. "I was willing to give up _everything_ for you!" He looks down at the liquid again and closes his eyes.

"You are still Water Nation. You can't just give that up." My eyes close into slits as I glare at him.

"You mean _peasant._ I'm still just a peasant, I can't become anything more." I spit, my voice lowering dangerously.

"No, that's not what I—"

"Admit it, Zuko, I'm just not good enough for you! Just say it!" He slams a fist down on the table as he leans forward on his knees, towering over me.

"I never said that!" He growls, as I feel the tears have stopped, and my temper rise.

"You didn't have to!" I shout as I stand, not willing to allow him to even try to intimidate me.

"You're over exaggerating this like you always do! I knew me doing the right thing and telling you in person wouldn't matter to you!" He says as he stands as well, his fists clenched next to his sides.

"You, you, you! You're right, _Lord Zuko_, you're the most magnificent person to ever grace my presence, and you fucking with my head is just _such_ a fucking gift!" As I raise and throw my arms up and down, the water in the tea cups and vases around the room follow my command, and while I'm not purposely causing it, I know its happening.

"What else was I supposed to do? My Nation expects me to wed a noble, Katara! I had a decision to make—"

"So you choose _her_?" When his eyes flicker for a moment, his face paling for only a second, I know my gut was right. "And you've already made up your mind." My vision is blurry from the anger I'm feeling as I try to stop my uncontrollable shaking, and then determine there's no use. I head for the door.

"Where are you going?" He asks, as dumb as a question it is, and it only makes my blood boil stronger. As if he wanted me to stay and continue such a thrilling conversation full of so many pleasant topics.

"Anywhere you aren't." I leave through the door, slamming it behind me, and then leave my bedroom all together, storming down the hall faster then he could catch up, dodging into a side corridor and around a corner before he could see me, even if he were chasing after me. I'd like to think he was, but knowing him, he's still standing in the room, steaming by himself. Fuck him.

The farther I walk, the deeper into the city I go, the slower my steps become and the heavier I feel. My legs are feeling like goo, and as such, it feels as though they're sticking right to the very ground. My chest is hurting and my face is wet from tears. Before I know it, I'm collapsed against the backside of a building, the shattered pieces of my heart feeling like they're slashing their way through my chest, and the sobs alerting residents of my pain.

This is it; this is the end of my life, as he was all I wanted to live for.


	4. Chapter 4

I'm conflicted. I've never felt so confused. Today, just a few hours ago, I watched my father fall. The Avatar brought him to his demise. As much as I feel I should, I feel no anger towards Aang. He gave my father every chance, he was amiable and forgiving, but my father, the hard headed, stubborn man he was, chose death instead, by his own hand in the end. Daft old fool. Then, after his death, my sister's body joined his, after a foolish attempt at Aang's life, the Avatar's friends all attacking her in his defense, and I had found _myself_ at their side, facing my sister in proud defiance. I no longer held any fear of her, nor did I have any sense of family ties…and yet…here I find myself, sitting alone in the throne room, the simple golden Fire Nation crown laying in my hands, and I can't help but feel overwhelmed with grief.

I'm alone.

Sure, I have Uncle, and he's always been more family towards me then anyone since my mother, but he knows nothing of ruling the Nation; he gave it up. I am surely alone in this uphill battle, and in the fate of this Nation. Do I fight tooth and nail to keep a peaceful regime they aren't used to, or go against everything the Avatar is expecting of me and continue my ancestor's road to total domination?

Just then, as if she heard my very thoughts, Katara timidly enters the room, seeing me behind the wall of fire as though she could see right through it. She then walks along the walkway in front of the fire, looking over the great meeting hall meant for councils, admiring the grandness of everything, though this room was quite plain in comparison to most of the…or shall I say my…palace. Stopping directly in front of me, she turns towards the flames and looks at my shadowed figure, her eyes squinting to catch the flashes of me.

"So," She starts, putting a hand on her hip, "are you going to lower this thing so I can see you, or are you going to pout up there all night?" My right eye twitches as my lip sneers slightly.

"I was not _pouting_." I say quietly as I lower the flames, nearly extinguishing them, but leaving enough to still keep a dull glow in the room.

"Right, Fire Lord's don't pout." She smirks as I try not to; it's hard when I love hearing the title coming from her mouth. "They're wondering when you'll be making the announcement." She says after a few moments of silence, tipping her head towards the doors in reference to Aang and everyone else. I look to the ground in front of me, as my brow furrows in thought. I don't know if I'm ready for this. It's all I've wanted all of my life, what I fought so hard to get, and now that I have it, I'm not sure I can do it. I'm not scared, I'm just…nervous. "Zuko," Her voice breaks my thought as I look up to see her on the dais, her hand on the water skin, bending the water back in. Resourceful, using the water to bend herself up here. "Are you alright?" It's a strange question, despite how simple it is. When I don't answer and just look back to the ground, waving a dismissing hand, I feel hers on my shoulder. "It has to be a strange sensation." Her voice is sad as I look up into her blue eyes, then to the hand on my shoulder, slender and tan. "If you ever need to, you can talk to me."

"I know." I say quietly as I reach up to grab her hand from my shoulder, pulling it around and down to bring her in front of me. "Just…just stay here with me for a little while." I ask her as I keep pulling on her, bringing her down into my lap, settling her over one of my legs as I wrap my arms around her waist, her arms going around my neck and head on my shoulder, as she easily fits into place, without struggle or questions.

In this embrace, I know things are going to change, I know nothing will ever be simple, for I, Fire Lord Zuko, am in love with Waterbending Master Katara.

And I'm not alone.

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AN: I hope throughout this fic the characters aren't OC...though to be honest, I've only seen the first season because I can't commit to watching it as it airs, so I'm waiting for season 2 to come out completely on DVD. Damn Nickelodeon for taking so long.


	5. Chapter 5

Fists full of red silk clutched in my hands, I dash down the hall. I'm late, horribly, horribly late. You'd think after last week, I'd learn my 'lesson' and be on time. All I need is for him to yell at me again. I know it's important I'm there, doesn't he know I know that? I can't help it that Fire Nation wardrobes take ridiculously long laborious hours to prepare for! Even with two attendants he assigned to me, it's just not my fault! I'm doing this for him, anyway, doesn't he appreciate me at all?

I arrive outside the doors to the dining hall and release the silk, letting the gown drop to the floor in delicate piles. I smooth out the slight wrinkles then straighten up, nodding my head to the doorman as he swings the tall door towards me and I begin my survey of the contents of the room. This evening it's a charity event for disaster areas in the Fire Nation; noblemen and women from across the Country are here in their finest. To my relief, dinner has yet to start and it appears most are still wandering around, greeting and discussing trivial matters I normally find positively boring. Taking in a deep breath in preparation for the night ahead, I walk into the room, making several turn heads, as I kept a friendly smile plastered on my face.

As usual, the whispering started, usually by the Fire Nation women. Comments about my background, crude ideas about Zuko and my relations (no matter how true they may have been), and the ones I hated most were those about my inability to ever be anything but a peasant. I _saved_ these people! I was the one who found Aang, helped him become the Avatar he needed to be, and fought along side him all the way to finally end the wars! How dare they think me weak or unable to do _anything_! But, I hold my head high, keep a smile on my face, and keep up the friendly banter with these people I mostly despise. The women, so two faced, talk mean spirited about me when they think I'm not listening, then walk up, all smiles and facades of politeness. It's enough to make me ill.

Finally, as my eyes travel around the room, I spot him across the hall, making his way slowly towards the head of one of the tables, mainly reserved for royalty and the highest tiers of nobility. I head that way, knowing this meant dinner would start soon, and I would want to make sure I established my place at the grand table next to him, despite the usual snarls and curses I would receive the rest of the night. Iroh and I were all he had, the most family he has known in the last few years. Keeping my sights on him, his graceful bows and nods to the others around him, I was just about to him, and he to the head of the table, when I feel a tug on the back of my dress, my feet tripping over themselves in the sudden lack of mobility, and I go down, hard. Laughs and gasps of surprise are heard around me as I struggle to get up, turning my head just in time to see one of the Noble women raise their heel from my train, an oh so innocent look on her face, indeed! I scowl as she begins to laugh, but her face faults as a hand appears in front of my face. My scowl disappears; I'd know that hand any day. I place my own into his as he pulls me to my feet, his usually stone solid face showing slight signs of worry as he glances me over.

"I'm fine." I say as I bow to him politely, pulling my gown about me as I shoot a deathly look at the girl who tripped me, but then take Zuko's extended hand once more. "Shall we?" I ask as he smirks, also shooting the girl a knowing look, then looks back into my eyes. I forgive him for my fears of being yelled at, for all of his rules and strictness, and for all of the times he's gotten irate with me for being snide with a Noble; it's little moments like this that reminds me; he's mine, and I'm his, and I'd do anything to keep it that way.


	6. Chapter 6

Sitting on my throne on the dais, the flame wall blotting out my image to those below me, I sneer down at them and their little parade. They've determined I'm in need of a bride, someone the nation can call Fire Lady, and they are here with their daughters to show them off to me as if this were some kind of dog show. They can say what they want, but we all know why they're really here. They're here because they feel threatened by Katara's presence. They had been surprised when I announced her staying here as the Water Nation Ambassador, especially after rumors about us begun to circulate.

I want so badly to stand up, raise my hands in the air, and declare my love for Katara, tell them all to mind their own business. Instead, I sit here and pretend to at least listen to each man as they introduce their daughters. None of them are interesting in the least, none can even bend, and all of them look exactly the same. Without a set of blue eyes and tanned skin, how do they expect me to pay attention? I glance towards the windowed ceiling and notice how dark it's getting outside as my heart skips a beat for a moment; I'm going to be late!

"I'm sorry, gentlemen, but I do have another arrangement." I say in a non-apologetic way, standing as they all immediately bow.

"But, sir, there are still other young ladies to be introduced!" One of the council members say, one of the few that haven't been able to show off their prized progeny. I just raise a hand to stop him from complaining any further.

"We'll have to arrange another time. Perhaps a proper dinner." I state as I head to the door behind me, ignoring their clamoring. Quickly, I leave my study and head towards the Royal Quarters before anyone could follow me and demand my attention any further. As soon as I cross the threshold that signifies only members of the Royal family can continue, I breathe a sigh of relief and head for the garden, already shedding my heavy outer robe, which I toss over a railing as I descend the stairs into the tiny oasis. I see the corner of a blanket already spread on the floor on the other side of some bushes and I can't help but smile. I slow my steps, in hopes of sneaking up on the scene, but then a voice calls out.

"You're late." She says, mock agitation in her voice. "Do you have any idea how gross Turtle Duck pie tastes when it's cold?" I've stopped in my tracks, how did she know I was coming? I smile again and continue to the picnic spot, seeing her stretched out, resting her head on a propped up elbow, raising a brow at me as she looks me over with a scowl, one that quickly changes to a grin when I get on my knees and then crawl across the blanket towards her, making her lay on her back with amused giggles as I loom over her.

"Don't worry, I'll heat it up."


	7. Chapter 7

Finding myself back in the Southern Water Tribe is very strange. It's been nearly two years since my last visit, over three since I left it with Aang. I anticipated my return here with such impatience, but now that I'm here, I'm finding it lonely. Who would have thought; I'm surrounded by friends, family, loved ones every where, but I'm feeling out of place. I find myself wearing a thick parka made with red cloth instead of blue, and adorning golden jewelry instead of silver. I can't help it; they all remind me of him, and I need them to stop feeling so homesick.

Homesick? I did just think that, didn't I? I chuckle to myself; since when did I imagine the Fire Nation as home? My brow knits; I guess I haven't really considered the Tribe my home since leaving with Aang. Home was where ever my loved ones were, and for a year, that was with Sokka, Aang, and Toph…then he came along. Not Zuko, Fire Nation Prince, the person who chased us and threatened our lives; but Zuko, the Firebender who protected me and held me in the cold nights under the stars on top of a flying Bison. I smile lightly then look back up to the scene before me.

"Sokka and Suki, I now announce your marriage!" My smile widens as I stand to applaud the happy couple, along with the rest of the tribe in attendance, including all of our friends. I look to Aang and grin with him as we look back at the pair proudly. I'm happy for them, they deserve this. I wish he could have been here, too. I wish we could have a normal life and get married someday, with people cheering for our union. I know that probably won't be the case.

Later that evening, at the after party, I suddenly found myself in front of a blushing Aang, who I had been excited to see again at first, but quickly grew annoyed with when I realized he may have only come to see me again. I may have found such endearing moments flattering before, but now, I just felt awkward, and nervous, like Zuko would somehow find out, somehow it'd be my fault that Aang was asking me to dance and take walks with him. My fault that Aang now asks me to go back to the Earth Kingdom with him. My fault that he placed his lips upon my own before I could back away. I had pushed him off, staring at him with confused eyes for only a moment, before running away like a coward. How do I explain my situation to him? 'You know the guy that tried numerous times to kill us? I'm in love with him. A Waterbender in love with the Fire Lord.' Makes me sound like a crazy person.

Maybe I am a crazy person. I'm crazy for loving Zuko. I'm crazy for thinking it will ever work. But you know what? I like being crazy, it's the only thing that makes sense.

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AN: So I've had nearly 400 hits to this story, but no reviews…what's the deal? If you hate it, please, let it out!


	8. Chapter 8

"So, I was thinking, maybe it's time I return home." My eyes grow large as I stare at her, surprised by this. "It just…it seems like I'm causing you problems by being here." Her eyes downcast and her voice small, I look at her as though she were speaking a different language.

"Do you…do you want to go home?" She glances up at me then back to her fidgeting hands.

"I guess so, I mean, I haven't been home in a year; it'd be nice to see everyone and everything." Why is she saying these things? Her body language doesn't really seem to share the sentiments she's saying. Doesn't she know I need her here? What will I do if she leaves?

"I guess if you want to leave; it's not like you're a prisoner here." I say coldly, not being able to help the wall that's already going up to protect myself. It's what I've been taught to do since I was born.

"I know that." She whispers, standing there fidgeting, looking like a little child. Was she waiting to be told what to do?

"Do you _want_ to leave?" I finally ask, looking at her with squinted eyes; is this some kind of test?

"I don't know. I just don't want to cause you any more problems." I take in a deep breath as I roll my eyes.

"Dammit, Katara, how many times do I need to tell you; I don't care what they think." She finally looks me in the eye, her fingers ceasing their nervous wringing. "Don't leave because of some jerks, leave only if _you want to_." Her eyes are sparkling in the fire light, possibly getting ready to cry, and I finally notice; her nose is red, her eyes slightly puffy. "Have you been crying?" She turns away from me, trying to shield her face. "What is it, what's happened?" I ask as I finally stand from my desk and go to her, pulling her to my chest as she begins to cry again.

"They just hate me, so much…last week it was the poisoned food, this week the dead birds at my door, then this morning…" Her voice trailed off as she sniffled, my hands rubbing her back as I begun to seethe. "They threw rotten vegetables at me, Zuko! In the city streets, some merchants threw them at me, and it was like they had saved them just for when I'd walk by!" Her sobs begun as I clenched my teeth together in anger. "What have I done to deserve that?" I close my eyes as I hold her head to my shoulder, shielding her though I had failed to protect.

"Nothing, you've done nothing." I say, wondering why I had not been notified sooner. I the cook tried then hung after he had poisoned her as an example to all others, I demanded more security around her room after the birds appeared and I will surely make a public spectacle of these merchants tomorrow. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It only seems to make things worse. They hate me more with each time you defend me!" She stepped away and wiped at her tear stained face. "I'm tired of you having to come to my defense."

"So do it yourself." I say coldly, not towards her, but at the idea of what would have happened if she had simply frozen those merchants to their stalls.

"What?" She asks, looking at me curiously.

"Assert yourself, Katara. You are not a weak person by any means…stop allowing them to push you around for my sake! You are doing me no favors when I have to worry about you!" I point to her waist. "You don't even carry your water skin anymore!" I place my hands on her shoulders as I stare into her eyes. "I appreciate you trying to fit in, I really do. I love that you are trying to, but they forget you are a Master Bender, they are thinking you are weak, show them you're not!" I smile sadly at her as she nods. "Stay, stay here with me, you don't have to go anywhere." She finally smiles as we embrace again.

"Thank you." She says quietly as I squeeze her tighter.


	9. Chapter 9

_AN: Hope this Chapter isn't confusing...It's the middle point of this story. Dashes indicate POV change...Yeah... _

As she's turned away from me, I take this moment to finally present to her what I've been wanting to for days since I finished it, even though my hands shake as I reach into my pocket to retrieve the small black box. We're in the small garden by the Royal Quarters like we usually find ourselves; nothing out of the ordinary, but now is as good a time as any. I open it to check and make sure it's still in there then turn the box around to face her just as her head turns towards me.

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"What's this?" I ask, my voice unable to hide the sudden excitement I feel as I look at the box in his hands. Zuko has never gotten me anything as a gift! Not even on my birthday. He opens it slowly, I try not to laugh at the serious look on his face, he seems nervous, but then I look at the open box in his hands and smile; I can't believe my eyes!

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When her face lights up as she looks to me with surprise, I can't help but smile happily, all the nervousness melting away.

"Zuko, I…" She begins, trailing off as her delicate fingers reach out to touch the red stone. "It's beautiful." She says in a whisper, slight tears forming, hopefully happy ones.

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I stare at the beautifully carved Fire Stone laying on the black velvet, a gold ribbon thread through it. The carving is of the Water and Fire Nation symbols intertwining. Simplicity had never meant so much. As I smile brighter, a tear rolls down my cheek. This is the most endearing gesture Zuko's ever shown me.

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"Katara," I begin, pulling the necklace out from the box and unlatching it, "I want you to stay here, with me, for as long as you want." I see her features falter for a moment; she was hoping this was an engagement, and, perhaps in our own way, it would mean that, at least for now. Maybe someday it could actually be announced.

-----

I try to control my features, but surely he understands how conflicted my feelings are in this moment. You give a Water Nation symbol of betrothal to a Water Nation woman, but it's not an engagement…I feel let down. I understand his meaning behind it, and it's still sweet, but my heart seems slightly heavier. I want more.

-----

I hold it up as she nods, lifting her hair up so I can place it around her slender neck.

"So, this is why you wanted my mother's necklace." She said, holding the red medallion in her hand, feeling the carved surface beneath her thumb.

"I needed to see how to do it." I say with a nod, reaching into the same pocket to produce her beloved heirloom. She takes it back and holds onto it, looking upon it sadly.

-----

I hold the cold blue stone in my hand and the memory of my mother floods back. What would she think of such a pair? Afterall, it was Zuko's _father_ who commanded the very army that killed her. I suddenly cannot imagine she would be very happy with me, and in that moment, I feel such shame.

But this isn't Ozai, this is Zuko, the man who is changing the world that killed my mother.

-----

"You can still wear it if you prefer." I say quietly, though inside I wished she would only wear mine; it was my little way of proclaiming her for my own. I smile as she tucks the blue stone away in her dress, returning a sweet smile.

-----

"I think she would understand."


	10. Chapter 10

The food is cold, and from the countless times that fly has landed on it, I'm not sure I want to eat any longer. Maybe you forgot, or perhaps just got busy. It's alright, I'll understand. You're busy, being Fire Lord and all.

Sometimes though, I wish you could just be Zuko, the Zuko I got to know under the stars around a campfire. The Zuko with no responsibilities, with no fears, and no secrets. I suppose that's childish of me, isn't it? I mean, we have to grow up sometime, right?

I was hoping to see you before you heard about what happened today. I wanted you to see me and know I was alright, that nothing really happened, that I have taken your advice those few months ago and have started to carry my water skin with me again. It's comforting to have, and it feels good to aim a whip at someone other then you. I didn't want you to worry about me anymore, I'm taking care of myself, even if it meant freezing Noblewoman Ztsu's feet to the ground. I'm sure you've already heard about it.

If you're not here yet, I've got to wonder if the news had upset you…or it's caused some kind of problem. She spat on me, Zuko! I'm so tired of it all. I never feel like even leaving the Palace. Iroh made me go to the market with him today, he thinks I'll get cabin fever. He had laughed when he saw Ztsu's surprised face.

I glance up to the stars; the moon is directly overhead. I find myself staring at it for a long while until my eyes start to droop. Where are you?

But that's okay. I'll wait here for you, because I know you'll come. I'll just close my eyes and rest for a little while, then you'll come…

How long has it been? Oh, it doesn't matter, what matters is that I woke with your hand on my cheek, warm and loving, and when my eyes opened it was your eyes staring back at me. I knew you'd come.


	11. Chapter 11

I'm visiting a Councilman's home for dinner to discuss future business plans in the Earth Nation, but it seems this dinner was planned with a different agenda. I look down the table to the young woman silently keeping to herself, elegantly lifting a fork in a square-like pattern. My eyes narrow for a moment as the councilman's voice snaps my attention back.

"You know, she never really did anything wrong." My head turns towards him. "She only followed the orders of her superiors." From the corner of my eye I see Mai leave her fork on her plate as she turned towards us, her face stone solid with no emotions detectable. "Her mother died when she was young, too." He suddenly said, much to my surprise. What was this? Some attempt at relating us?

"Did you murder her like my father did?" I say bitterly, calmly bringing a roll to my lips to take a bite out of it, his mouth slacking slightly. He's speechless, and now racking his brain to do damage control, suddenly sweating as though I'm threatening him with death, though I suppose my tone had implied it.

"My father meant no disrespect." Mai says calmly, her head bowed low. "You have to excuse him for talking on my behalf, as we all know you were not expecting to see me." My eyes narrow again as I set the roll down, after realizing I wasn't really hungry. "Were you even aware of my being here?" She asks frankly.

"Yes. I knew you were in the city, though it had slipped my mind that councilman WuTeng was your father." I admit, narrowing my eyes further. "It must have slipped his mind to mention it, as well."

"I apologize, Lord Zuko." I hear the old man say, but my attentions stay on Mai, who had adverted her eyes to the plate in front of her.

"So just what am I doing here?" I demand, instinctively checking to make sure her hands are on the table, the table knife lingering dangerously close to her masterful fingers.

"We would like to ask that you pardon my daughter." WuTeng sputters as I look to him for only a second.

"And why couldn't this have been brought to my attention at the Palace?"

"I'm too ashamed to show my face in these streets. The locals know what I have done while traveling with Azula, and they spit at my feet before slewing curses at me." Her voice is quiet as she quickly relates this, though my mind drifts to Katara's hardships in the city. Troubled are my citizens when they frown upon people of the war _and_ people of peace. "If I could beg for the Nation's forgiveness, if you could publicly pardon me and what I've done, I would forever be in your debt." For a moment, my teeth grind at the trick they have pulled on me to get me into this house. I feel betrayed by WuTeng for his own selfish reasons, but Mai, her head bowed so low she might as well rest her forehead on the table itself, looks to me with hopeful grey eyes, the most expressive I've ever seen her, and I feel my own soften. I can hear Katara's voice in my head _'everyone deserves a second chance.'_

Silently, I only nod once, then stand. "I'll make the pardon tomorrow during the council meeting. I suspect you'll be available to make it." She nods as her father stands, reaching his greasy hands out to grasp mine, my jaw tightening as I try not to physically cringe.

"Thank you, Sire. You are a benevolent and forgiving Fire Lord, destined to be a great leader!" I nod slightly as I finally get my hand back, reaching down for the napkin on the table to wipe it off.

"I'll take my leave, then." They both are standing and bowing low when I exit the room then the house, finally standing in the streets breathing fresh air. I scoff slightly as I begin to think how much one person could change me so drastically. If I had never met Katara, would I have given that girl another chance? Would I have this little angel with tawny skin and blue eyes telling me all the right things to do inside my mind?

Looking to the sky, the stars sprinkling the indigo canvas, I smile at the moon.


	12. Chapter 12

"You're not trying hard enough!" He bellows as I growl at him in frustration.

"What the heck do you _think_ I am doing? _Penguin sledding_?" I scream, throwing my hands to my sides as they clench into fists. "I'm doing the best I can!"

"Well, you can't show up dressed like _that_!" He yells, motioning to my usual Water Tribe clothes.

"What are you talking about? I'm a damn Water Nation _Ambassador_! Do you expect me to show up in Earth Nation clothing?"

"You're telling me the Water Nation doesn't have anything _dressy_?" I look down at my clothes and frown, then scowl back at him.

"_These are dressy_!" He laughs bitterly as I begin to fume.

"Katara, come on, you don't really think that, do you?" My scowl deepens as I growl again. "Don't you think it's time to grow up?"

"And, what? Dress Fire Nation all of the time?!" He raises a brow at me as though he were implying 'yes' without actually saying it. "Forget it!" I yell, stamping one of my feet down.

"I'm not asking you to wear red all of the time or anything, just, you know, look _nicer_, in something that fits you a little better; that thing is too short and really baggy." His eyes trace my silhouette again, and I see the sparkle of mischief. "Something that doesn't make you look like the peasant they keep referring to you as."

"That's it!" I scream, pulling at the water resting at the bottom of a vase, sucking it out from its' home to form a whip, traveling towards Zuko's face. He quickly responds before it can smack him and shields himself with a wall of fire, then swallows the pitiful amount of water in the flames easily, steam evaporating into the air. His eyes never leaving me, I feel myself shaking from my anger. "I don't know why you're expecting this from me all of the sudden! You knew who I was before you asked me to stay here!" I squint at him. "_Ambassador_! More like 'Zuko's personal concubine!'" He laughs a bit as his eyes suddenly soften.

"Concubine's are more compliant." I shriek at his response and head for the door in a huff as I hear him following me quickly, I turned to stop him as he grabs my wrists and pins me against the door. "That's why you're more of a challenge." He says deviously before violently kissing me. All of my anger melts as I return the gesture passionately. I feel him smile against my lips; he's won this battle.


	13. Chapter 13

13

It's the first official Fire Nation Ball since Zuko's coronation, and everyone's here. It's a high celebration at the peak of the Summer Solstice and I'm finding myself wearing Fire Nation clothing for the first time. It's strange to be in material that is so light, I have to constantly look down to make sure I'm not naked. I'll admit silk lends itself to the heat better then skins do.

Staring at myself in the golden framed mirror, I breathe in deeply. _Here I go_. I'm feeling nervous; it's been a month since we last saw each other. This is my first night back in the Fire Nation, after going back home, a home I no longer felt was so. It was nice seeing Dad and Gran-gran, but everything felt so wrong without him there. Everything felt empty, cold, and pointless if I didn't wake to see him.

So I came back. I had sent forth a proposal that would proclaim me Water Nation Ambassador in the Fire Nation, and Zuko quickly appraised it, the very next day I found myself on a Fire Nation trade ship, waving goodbye to my family, tears in my eyes knowing that I'd miss them, but my stomach fluttered at the idea of seeing Zuko again. And here I am, the fluttering has turned into knots, the anxiety of it settling in as sweat on my brow, and I'm looking at myself in the mirror, the gold and red Fire Nation dress looking very strange. I'm not so sure I enjoy it. None the less, I lifted my head and made my way towards the dining hall. This would be my first appearance as the Water Nation Ambassador; I just hope I don't mess it up.


	14. Chapter 14

"Look, I don't understand where this has come from all of the sudden, but I really need you there!" I say, my frustration obvious.

"I don't understand why. You hardly ever pay any attention to me, neither does anyone else. What's the use of an Ambassador when I'm not needed?" I take a deep breath, my eyes closed, a hand making little circles around my right temple.

"What's going on, Katara?"

"Nothing, I just don't feel like catering to your little events like some kind of oddity, the 'freakshow entertainment', if you will." I raise a brow at her.

"What are you talking about?"

"Last dinner, you _demanded_ I do a Waterbending example." She spat, as I tried not to laugh bitterly.

"What? I didn't _demand_ you do anything." She scoffs.

"No, you're right, you just announce in front of _every_one that I'm going to do a demonstration you never bothered to mention to me beforehand." She has her fists clenched at her sides as her face turns redder with irrational anger. "I'm not a _puppet_!"

"If you had only read the proclamation I had written up, maybe you would have seen it on the bill. I thought you'd be glad to showcase your bending!" I'm getting annoyed, as my voice goes flat.

"A proclamation?" She asks as I nod. "A _proclamation_?" She repeats as I only stare at her. "What happened to simply _talking_ to me?! It's not like we don't sit at dinner struggling to come up with simple conversations…I would think something like that would have been _mentioned_." She screaming at me as I lull my head backwards. "And now, now you won't even pay attention to me!"

"What's really going on here, Katara? You're upset we don't talk, is that it? Look at what's happening right now; we started with talking and now you're screaming at me!" Her jaw visibly tightens as she relaxes her fists only to tighten them again.

"You're so right, Zuko, I'm _always_ in the wrong, because you're fucking perfect and can never do anything bad." I can see from here that she's beginning to cry, but she's biting her lip to keep the tears at bay, she's fighting them so hard.

"Katara, listen to yourself, this is ridiculous." Her jaw quivers for a moment and her eyes waver as the tears win their battle.

"Where were you last night?" She finally asks, as I freeze. I was in my study, working. I was signing document after document. I was finishing up the paperwork to address Mai as Katara's new personal assistant. I was talking with Mai about them. We were drinking tea and discussing political issues. I was avoiding going back to the Royal Quarters.

"Working, Katara, what else?" Her eyes narrow before she nods her head once.

"Working." She mimics, her expression hard to read, though I have to wonder if she knew about how often Mai and I met at night when I was tired and needed distraction. I wondered if she knew Mai would be working alongside her next week, and if I should mention that now or later. Would she understand if I told her Mai allowed me to relax and forget about the pressures of being Fire Lord? That even when I'm around Katara, I can't help but think about my job because I have to constantly be worried about where my hand is, or what my expressions are towards her. With Mai, I could be as open and natural as I wanted to be. Would Katara understand that?

"Yes, working. Is it now some kind of crime for me to be doing my job?" She looks to the fire flaring in the fireplace and doesn't respond. "Don't make me feel guilty for doing my job, I need to do it, I need to keep everything on track, I need to prove myself before we can be happy." Her eyes close as I watch another tear slide down her cheek.

"Okay." She whispers, a hand wiping the fresh tear from her cheek. "Okay." I watch her turn for the door, wondering if I should go with her, or let her have space. "I'll be there." She says before leaving the study.

When did everything become so hard?

-----

Sorry for the lack of updates; been busy. This story was completed before I even begun to post it...so it'll get up here in completion, eventually.


	15. Chapter 15

I'm staring up at the balcony from below, the coronation crowd behind me screaming his name as my heart soars; this boy, no, man, standing above me, a gold crown in his hair, stealing a smile to me, I love him.

I love him, I love Fire Lord Zuko.

I think we both discovered that at the same time. Tragedy always brings out emotions in full regalia, and like the raging bulls they are, they are so strong they can crash through even the strongest walls one puts up.

I still can't believe it, and I definitely don't understand it, but I can't imagine myself without him. Just a few short months together and I feel as though I can never live any other way.

My hand is on my necklace, staring up at him with tear-lined eyes, so proud of him and us and everything we've been fighting for. He steals a glance at me, and I swear I can see the corner of his mouth lift slightly, his eyes go soft, just before returning to his usually scheduled program of stern strength by frowning.

I know he's not perfect, and he's not exactly the ideal match for me, and that we fight every chance we get, but there's something so comforting in all of it. A comforting unknown. A chance is all we get, just one, to find out if this is the real deal, and I don't plan to let it pass us by. The war is over for everyone but us; and we'll fight forever if we have to.

-----

In process of moving; it steals my brain functions to remember to post this story…Sorry to those of you who keep coming back, especially those who review. applesonawhim, Scarylady, Chicette; thanks for the kind words and interest. I've had well over 1,000 hits to this story, and you three are the only ones reviewing it! Kind of crazy…but I understand. I'm a lurker, myself. We're almost to the end of the tunnel, people!

Peace and love,

VP


	16. Chapter 16

I haven't slept all night. How can I? No, I've laid here in my bed, in the red silk sheets with golden thread embroiders of flames around the edges that I never paid attention to until now, and I've stared at the plain ceiling most of the night. I stole a few glances at you, I couldn't help it, but each time I did, the guilt welled up in my gut and it _hurt_. You'd never understand that though. You can't, because you _can't know_.

Each time I'd look away from your sleeping face, I wanted to shake you awake and scream at you to leave.

You temptress!

You devil of betrayal!

You lovely distraction of everything else wrong in my life…

She had been my angel for years, that little voice in the back of one's mind; where had she been last night when I brushed that hair from your face? Leaned in for that kiss? Laid you down in front of the fire? Lead you back into this room? Where had that voice been when I removed your clothing? It's her fault for not being there. When had that voice failed me before?

My gut aches again. I can't blame her, what's wrong with me? I'm an awful human being, a despicable person who doesn't deserve her. So we have fights, and arguments, and she complains about everything I do, so what? I love her, don't I? Isn't all those reasons why I feel for her in the first place?

So what am I doing here, in bed, naked, with you?

She's only two rooms away. My mind hopes these walls are thick enough that she could have never heard what happened last night. Hoping the drapes were dense enough so she couldn't peek in to see your hand reach across my chest just now, a soft, happy moan escaping your lips before snuggling next to me, my frozen frame staring at the ceiling.

She doesn't deserve this. She would be shattered. Her face floats to memory when I told her you would be working in the palace as her guard and assistant. She had been so insulted, so determined to hate you. And you, innocent hapless you, have no idea how many quarrels you've been the source of, how many times she's accused me of being exactly what I am right now.

The worst part? I don't even love you. I don't think I even really like you. Don't get me wrong, you're great, you're a good friend and confidant, but _love_…not ever. Not even close. Not in a million years. Not as long as she's alive…but now, now I've complicated it, haven't I? Now I've made you think I love you, and secured her beliefs in my betraying ways.

Now I've failed everyone.

-----

AN: So, Zuko's an asshole. Alas, I think anyone that rushes into a relationship when they're what? 17? Would end up this way eventually. Grass is always greener on the otherside, yes? One more chapter to go! I'm also working on another story that will eventually get started up here...I'll reveal what cross that is on the next chapter.


	17. Chapter 17

I turn back, my heart pounding in my chest; he's fallen! My eyes quiver when I see the blood soaking through his clothing, but turn back to the woman before me with a determined glare. My teeth clench and my feet plant themselves defiantly; _I will protect you_. I effortlessly send a whip of water towards the Firebender glowering at me, one that is simply evaporated away. _Azula_, how can a sister hate a brother so much? I don't know where the others are, I have no idea what's happening anywhere other then right here, Zuko lying motionless behind me, Azula looming threatening before me.

"Give up, little Water peasant." She hisses as my eyes turn to slits. "Just let me finish him, and then I'll let you be." I manage a scoff.

"Like I believe that." I growl back, controlling what little water I have, sending out a pull to see if I can summon reinforcement from the nearby river, one hand focusing on calling it forth and the other on defense.

"Think I'm going to let you do that?" Azula barks, sending flaming balls towards me with two kicks, my concentration dropping as I roll away to dodge them, leading her further from Zuko's body. _Hold on, Zuko._ I'll have to use what I have until I can guide her closer. I pull slivers of water into the air and freeze them into tiny daggers, thrashing them towards the Fire Princess as she gyrates around, shooting fire balls towards me every chance she can, though I'm pushing her back towards the river. I have to be diligent; I'm using my water up quickly, and I still need some for Zuko.

We're both getting tired; it's been a long fight, even before Zuko hit the ground. I can see the sweat beading down her forehead as she continues to send attack after attack, my daggers keeping her on the defensive.

"Katara!" _Finally_. I don't even turn to see Aang, Toph and Iroh arrive at the scene, my two friends jumping into the fight immediately. Aang sends a blast of air in the form of a wall, and even though Azula bunkers down to hold her ground, it sends her backwards, and Toph follows it up with a roll of earth that knocks her to the dirt. I glance over my shoulder to see Iroh next to his nephew, fingers against his neck looking for that pulse I know has to be there. "Go help Zuko! We've got her." Aang shouts to me as I nod once, hesitantly looking to the trio, Azula back on her feet though the two benders quickly push her back, away from Zuko.

I run back to his side, kneeling in the blood-soaked dirt, not caring about my clothing or anything other then the gash in his side from the dagger Azula surprised him with. Iroh had already pulled the metal object from his skin, and cleared the fabric away.

"He has a pulse, though it's faint." I nod as I already begun to cover my hand in the cool water, setting it over his wound, concentration making little creases on my forehead. My hand begun to glow with the watery glove as the wound begun to heal itself, though the water was quickly evaporating.

"I'm not going to have enough water." I proclaimed, Iroh looking to me for a moment before realizing what that meant. My hand begun to stop glowing slowly until there was nothing at all, his wound still pulsating and blood still oozing, as I quickly took the water skin from around my neck, handing it briskly to the old man. No words needed to be exchanged as I heard him run off towards the river. I repositioned myself to be by his head as I placed a hand on his sweating face, and even though he was unconscious, his face was twisted in pain. "You'll be alright." I said quietly, stroking his hair gently, my thumb running over his scarred cheek. "Just a little while longer, then you'll be alright." Something glistening in the sun caught my eye as I glanced at the dagger next to me, soaked in blood, and something else, something green in color. I squint down at it, reaching for the blade carefully, lifting it to get a better look. What is that?

Just then, under my left hand, I feel his body lift slightly as he arched his back, a slight moan escaping his lips, then his entire body begun to violently shake in epileptic shock. I tossed the blade to the ground and used all my force to push his shoulders to the ground, screaming with him in surprise.

"No!" I scream out, as his body continues to convulse under my grasp. Poison. She poisoned the blade. Of course she did. I glance over my shoulder to see I was alone in this clearing; I could hear the battle, but couldn't see anything but the remnants of it, and Iroh was no where in sight. "Just hang on, Zuko, just a little longer." I scream out, though inside, I'm beginning to doubt that, my eyes brimming with tears as I try to fight the thoughts of this being the end. _This can't be it!_ "I'm not ready to say goodbye! Don't you let it win!" I'm saying, throwing a leg over his midsection to straddle him, pressing him further towards the ground as he shakes under me, his eyes rolled to the back of his head. "Not like this." I scream out, as the tears stream down my cheeks. _Not like this._

_----- _

"I-I don't understand." She's saying, staring at me with disbelief, as I try to stay strong.

"I think this is best for both of us." I state emotionlessly, folding my fingers together as my hands rest on the desk in front of me. This is never how I imagined we'd end up, so cold and distant, but it needs to be done. "I think we need this."

"We? I had nothing to do with this decision!" She's getting irate already.

"Surely you can't stand there and say to me you think everything between us is fine." Her eyes divert from my own, and it's all the answer I need. "It's just a break, Katara. People have them all the time. Just some time to be apart, then we'll see where we're at."

"What about my duties?" I can't help but look away from her before answering. It's a fatal move.

"Mai has agreed to temporarily help relieve those duties." Silence. I look back up to see her eyes brimmed with tears, staring at me incredulously.

"Mai." She states, her hands shaking. "Is that what this is about?"

"Let's not start on that." I try not to get agitated. It's hard when I know she won't let this slide simply. It's just a break! A break from the screaming, from the abusive words, from the accusations…

"Alright." I look to her, surprised. "A break would probably be good for both of us, you're right." My mouth gapes slightly. I can't believe this. "Aang has wanted my assistance for some time, so I'm sure he'd be happy to see me." I close my mouth and my eyes narrow for only a moment. I'm not sure I like the idea of her running off to be with Aang. That doe-eyed brat would do anything to have her look at him the way she looks at me. Suddenly this idea doesn't sit well with me. She's already heading for the door, as I want to say something, as I want to stop her, my breathing becoming irregular as I suddenly realize this might be a mistake. "Just one thing, Zuko," Her voice is strong, determined, as she looks back to me, "I need a little honesty. Are you and Mai…" That strong voice fades into nothing as she looks to the ground, my heart stopping in my chest.

"No." I say, I lie, I further betray. "Never." There it is again, another lie from these lips. She nods slowly, sadly, her lips parting as though she's going to say something else, but they close, and she turns to leave.

"Goodbye, Zuko." She whispers, I begin to get up, to say something, but the door closes and I'm alone again, falling back into my chair, defeated. When did we become this? When did we allow ourselves to destruct the only thing that kept us sane?

-----

Still. Everything is suddenly still, and it takes a moment for me to realize it. I open my eyes, tears still streaming down my cheeks, and my blue eyes fall upon his face; eyes closed, mouth open, head limply lying awkwardly on its side. He's not moving, I don't even feel him breathing! I sit up, looking down on him, myself not uttering a breath in anticipation; _move, dammit!_ There's blood everywhere, on me, on the ground, soaking through his clothing, all over his chest…and it's stopped oozing. It's stopped because his heart isn't beating.

Fear grips me as I stare at him, blankly, dumbfounded. Zuko, dead? It simply can't be true! I scramble off to one side of him and begin to panic, feeling the sobs welling up in my throat as I begin something I've only seen others do. I pinch his nose with my right hand then seal my lips over his, blowing as much air as I could into him, twice. Then I sit back, stare at him for a moment, then place my hands over his chest, just below the rib cage, and press hard, four, five, six times; I have no idea how much I'm supposed to do this. I start over again, and again.

"Katara!" Iroh calls out as I freeze, after three pumps on his chest, my sobs becoming stronger as he arrives at my side, placing my water skin in front of me. If he said anything, I can't hear him, because I'm wiping at the tears in my eyes to see and then begin to cover my hands in the cool water, immediately pressing them against the wound, putting everything I have into it. _I'm not ready to say goodbye!_

_----- _

I'm standing on the balcony, looking down as her blue clad figure is helped onto an ostrich-horse. It's almost symbolic to see her in blue again. It's like she already moved on, already shunned her stint as faux Fire Lady. Like one day, while telling a bedtime story to two little blue-eyed babes, she'll relate our story of love that was never meant to be as if it were but a fairy tale. Only, perhaps, her tale would have a happy ending.

_Ending._

Do I really think it's so final? Did nothing I said to her to ease her feelings have truth to it?

My blank stare goes from a fuzzy haze to clarity as I see, even from this distance, two blue eyes meeting my own.

_Goodbye, Katara._

_----- _

I'm sweating and crying and all sorts of liquids are dripping from my face in a disgusting display, I just know it, but I can't care. The liquid on my hands are still glowing brightly, even though the wound has long sealed up, but he's still not breathing. Those fiery red eyes are still not locked upon my own. That sarcastic tongue hasn't lashed me with some bitter remark. I feel Iroh's hand on my shoulder and all concentration I was mustering fades as the water simply falls from my hands.

"There's nothing you can do." He says from my side. _Nothing?_ _How can you say that!_ I shake my head and go right back into trying to make him breathe. I can do this! I can! He's not destined to die, not like this, not now!

-----

I head back into my palace, tearing my eyes from hers was the hardest thing I've done in these past few months. It's best this way. It's best for her to get away from me, someone who would betray her without a blink. It's best for us because we could never really be together. It was time to stop fooling ourselves. It's time to grow up.

As I enter my private quarters, I see the gold ribbon on my red sheets, ribbon that was attached to a red stone. I stand by the bed for a long while, staring at it like it was a hallucination, a malformation caused by nights without sleep. Finally, with timid fingers, I reach out and pick it up, the thing as fragile as our relationship always had been. I stare at it in my palm. How a small thing could mean so much, could hold so many memories, I suddenly couldn't seem to fathom. My fingers close around it as my jaw tightens. How could I let us get to such a point as this? How could I let our love be reduced to an abandoned stone?

-----

"Don't you give up!"

I'm pounding on his chest now, again and again.

"You failure!" I scream at him.

"You're weak if you give in to this!" I bellow between sobs.

I feel Iroh's hands on my shoulders as he tries to pull me away, but it's not fair! It's not! I'd only just gotten to know him, and he'd only just begun to live! He'd saved me, Aang, even Sokka before, now it was my turn, that's how these things work! "It's not fair! We need you! _I_ need you!" I throw another fist into his chest, and the sound of his gasp silences everything else in the world.

-----

It's been two weeks since I last saw you. I'm sorry it had to be that way. I'm sorry for everything I've done to you, and for what I still do. I am. Do you think you can ever forgive me?

I'm standing in front of thousands of people on the main steps of the palace now, and I wish you could be here. I wish I were holding your hand, but I'm not.

Mai's here. She's beaming, but the Fire Nation symbol in her hair doesn't glisten as much as it ever did in yours, though none of the people here would ever know that. They're cheering for her, a cheer you would have never gotten. A cheer you only dreamt about. Someday, when you find him, you'll stand in front of your own people and they'll cheer for you. They will, Katara. I know you would never believe me if I said that to you, but they will.

-----

I stare down at him as his eyes flutter open, confused, pained, dark as though he'd been through torture. He's staring back at me, imploring me for the details I can't seem to find, and he sees the tears cascading down my face. We stare at each other in silence for a long while, my sobs still uncontrollable, until a hand reaches up to cup my face for only a moment, then his eyes travel to the man behind me, and the hand falls. I can't feel disappointed because you're alive!

"My chest hurts." He says, and I can't help but laugh between the now happy sobs.

I think she knows. She must see it in my eyes, especially after finding me alone in my study, holding onto the necklace, staring down at it with forlorn. She pretended not to have realized what it was, but I know she did. She used to comment on my mood change, asking if anything was wrong nearly every supper we shared. The other night, I overheard her talking with Uncle. She was asking him about me, and if he had noticed anything different, noting that it's been ever since Katara left. That old man, the meddling old fool he is, just had to open his mouth.

"She saved him once, you know." He said, his face solemn and thoughtful. "She brought him back from the dead, I watched with my very own eyes. Ever since that day, they've been connected. He owes her his life." Mai, her never expressive face, nodded. Since then, there have been less questions. Either it confirmed her suspicions, or settled her mind. Either way, it doesn't really matter.

We haven't slept together since that first time. Haven't even shared the same bed. I'm sure she thinks it's only because I'm waiting for after we're married, being the gentleman I'm not. If she only knew it was because I can't do it again. I haven't even slept in that bed again since that night. I've curled up on the couch in my study, fallen asleep in the grass of the garden, even crept into Katara's old room, still smelling of her perfumes, and curled up on her old bed.

Where ever you are, my Waterbending Master, I hope you're happy. I hope you don't hate me. I hope you find a better life then I could ever have given you. A life that makes you forget all about me and the five years we've spent together.

_I miss you._

_----- _

We sit in silence. I don't have to say a thing. I just lean my head against his shoulder and he rests his hand over my own. _I thought I'd already lost you. _It doesn't need to be spoken, as his hand grips my own tighter. _I didn't think I'd ever see you again._ His free arm wraps around my back and pulls me even closer.

_I don't ever want to part._

_----- _

_I will always love you_.

------------

AN: Alrighty, so there's the ending, finally, if any of you are still reading, that is. I apologize that it took me this long, and I hope it was even worth your reading.

So my next story is going to be another crossover, but in the more literal sense. It's a Firefly/Avatar cross...I'm obsessed with both currently, so it was only natural this would happen. Hope to see some of you commenters over there...it's going to be a bit lighter and with a lot more characters (Wee, more chances to be OOC). Check out the first chapter; I'll have it uploaded shortly after this goes live.


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